Dinner with Co-workers

I had dinner at Texas Roadhouse with 6 of my other colleagues who are on this training with me in Greenville tonight. What stood out to me--besides the bad food--was the fact that the 7 of us would not have been gathered around that table were it not for the situation we were in. Black and white--old and young--it was really good. I am thankful that my job gives me a chance to spend time with people who might not be like me--but who are nice and decent. Everyone out of their comfort zone a little--not sure what they will make conversation about/what is appropriate...I even got to share my faith with the retired military man who wanted to know "why seminary?" That was pretty cool.

The less you know, the more you believe.

This is a quotation by Bono that I found and it struck me because it is something I have noticed too, and it bothers me.

I am bothered to juxtipose knowledge and faith, and yet I wrestle with that relationship myself. I do not want to believe in the "God of the gaps," meaning I use God for the explanation of what I do not know. Of course, this means God becomes smaller as my knowledge increases. That is just dumb. And yet, I find that my spiritual life does take a toll when I find other language to express life phenonmenon with...for example, when psychology explains what's going on in people's life, then it becomes less of a solution to pray over it and more of a solution to go to therapy and actively work towards healing.

Why does knowledge and beleif continue to be conflict? What does the Tree of knowledge and the fact that humans weren't supposed to taste of it, but they did, and this changed everything and broke their relationship with God...what does that say to the enlightened Christian today? Surely it does not say--knowledge will ruin your relationship with God...maybe its the illusion of knowledge. Maybe its the curse that we think that our knowledge is true knowledge--but we lack the perfect wisdom, etc... to understand and use knowledge the way that only God can. And so we do things like i am describing...think that our explanations eliminate the mystery-=-the God.

The less you know, the more you believe.
And yet, paradoxically, the more you know, the more you know how little you know, and so the more you can believe.

Lord, I feel its time for a mountaintop retreat. 

But I won't retreat to a mountaintop like Jesus--

because I have a job that requires me to be there?

because I have other obligations/plans i've made?

because I don't know where to find a mountaintop?

Because I don't know how to be alone.

that's really it. 

How did you do it Jesus?

How did you go off for 40 days and 40 nights--alone?

Did you hear your father's voice?  

Or were you alone in the same way I would be if I were to go off like that--

for even one night?

Everything keeps me from wanting to be alone. 

Is that really what is needed to meet with you?

Sometimes, yes.  

I've been so despondent today. 

And there is not one person I want to talk to--

and yet I want so much to talk to someone.

I want to be with a good friend--who has no where else to be--

who will stay with me as long as I need--

who will be fully present.

Lord--from all I know and all I believe--

you are that good friend.

It doesn't take a word with you.

When all words stop--

"when i simply come."

My prayer Lord--lead me to the mountains to be with you. 

I already know the temptation that awaits--

my thoughts will turn to -'am i just wasting time'...'am i missing out on something better?'

Sometimes, when i am alone--like tonite--

i get a little nervous that i won't move--

i won't get up from my bed--

i won't have the will to go on living--

i will be totally forgotten about.

These are deep and unspoken fears, 

but i know they are there. 

Lord, lead me to the mountains, to be with you.

Deanna and Graham

Man. Bachelorette was intense tonight. Deanna let Graham go. She was crying and telling him, "you have no idea how hard this is for me." I think Deanna needed to let him go. I think she was only in for more hurt and disappointment with him. She didn't get him.

"I like to talk about and communicate what I am feeling...You run away." Graham took that for the blow it was: "I don't run away. I handle it internally." Deanna--"You are so closed off." Graham, visibily hurt, took another blow silently and moved deeper into his internal place. Deanna totally insulted him for...being different than her. Having a personality that deals with things in different ways.

So easy to see it when I'm watching it on tv...but in real life--i think i would have felt the same way Deanna did. I HATE it when 'he' won't share with me....when he is different than me. And yet, that different-ness is the very thing you love too!