Lord, I feel its time for a mountaintop retreat. 

But I won't retreat to a mountaintop like Jesus--

because I have a job that requires me to be there?

because I have other obligations/plans i've made?

because I don't know where to find a mountaintop?

Because I don't know how to be alone.

that's really it. 

How did you do it Jesus?

How did you go off for 40 days and 40 nights--alone?

Did you hear your father's voice?  

Or were you alone in the same way I would be if I were to go off like that--

for even one night?

Everything keeps me from wanting to be alone. 

Is that really what is needed to meet with you?

Sometimes, yes.  

I've been so despondent today. 

And there is not one person I want to talk to--

and yet I want so much to talk to someone.

I want to be with a good friend--who has no where else to be--

who will stay with me as long as I need--

who will be fully present.

Lord--from all I know and all I believe--

you are that good friend.

It doesn't take a word with you.

When all words stop--

"when i simply come."

My prayer Lord--lead me to the mountains to be with you. 

I already know the temptation that awaits--

my thoughts will turn to -'am i just wasting time'...'am i missing out on something better?'

Sometimes, when i am alone--like tonite--

i get a little nervous that i won't move--

i won't get up from my bed--

i won't have the will to go on living--

i will be totally forgotten about.

These are deep and unspoken fears, 

but i know they are there. 

Lord, lead me to the mountains, to be with you.